FAQs

Frequently Asked Questions:

Where are the questions?    

They're coming soon.
 

Then why have a FAQ page?    

 

Where can I learn more about this Ted Frank guy?    

Ted has a webpage, he blogs about legal issues and his pro bono litigation for consumers, and he irreverently tweets. There's a Wikipedia page of questionable accuracy, focus, and grammar; please fix itGQ magazine claims he's much more important than the accidental historical footnote he is, HBO hired a much better looking actor to play him in the movie, and there's been other press coverage over the years. He's happy to come speak to your law-school Federalist Society on a variety of topics.

Surely you can't be serious.    

I think chicken offsets are just as legitimate as carbon offsets, and those are the most serious things in the world.

Weren't you supposed to respond "And stop calling me Shirley" to that last one?    

Good point. I probably should go back and edit that. But it perhaps just goes to show how serious I am that I missed that opportunity initially. 

Isn't this a scam?    

I've already floated $500 to the cause; if I make it back in the process of raising more, great; if I "lose" money, I'm still happy to make a point. (If, for some reason, this goes viral and people start buying lots of offsets from me, we'll bump up the percentage past the initial 90%.) As with any other kind of offset, you don't need a middleman to buy chicken offsets; feel free to donate on your own to whatever cause you feel most appropriate. On the other hand, Chick-fil-A sells $4,100,000,000 of chicken a year and donates about 0.04% of that to Christian organizations that are only anti-gay in a collateral sense. Buying a chicken offset does far more for gay rights than boycotting the chain because someone asked a business executive so religiously Christian that he insists that the stores be closed on Sunday what he thought about gay marriage and people are pretending to be surprised by the answer.
 
Also, I'm constrained by the free market; if I fail to offer a quality chicken offset at a reasonable price, I will be outcompeted by market entrants, and my hopes of a Chicken Offset IPO to rival that of Groupon and Pets.com will be dashed.
It's little known that the Concilium Tridentinum Butyrum Pullum of 1563 had a codicil excepting chicken sandwiches. 
Expenses are the cut that Paypal takes, and the less-than-$30 my brother and I spent to reserve domain names. There are no salaries, there is no rent, there are no supplies, and neither my brother nor I are charging for our time. If Chick-fil-A doesn't sue us, that should be all we have in the way of expenses. 
I've already floated $500 to the cause, and don't expect to recoup that; if, somehow, we sell 5000 offsets, we'll bump up the percentage we donate. I will not be quitting my day job over this. Of course, if you don't want to deal with the expenses of Paypal (which needs to raise money so they can pay their compliance department to waste my time over a joke web site), nothing stops you from directly writing a check to the gay-rights organization of your choice.
Your purchase of a chicken offset is not tax deductible; we are not a non-profit, and are selling chicken offsets at a price the market will bear. If you wish to have a government subsidy for your contribution to gay rights organizations, we recommend you make your own donation to a 501(c)(3) organization without a middleman.
I admire the purity of your position. I presume then that you never buy gasoline, or any products that use or were manufactured with electricity, or any products that were shipped in tankers that use oil as fuel, since that indirectly puts money in the coffers of OPEC governments that put gay people to death for engaging in homosexual acts. Still, I wonder how long it takes you to pedal the hand-made bicycle that powers your Internet connection.

Shouldn't I just give money directly to charity instead of paying a middleman for an offset?    

Yes. The charity would get more money that way, though most would find that it costs more than $1 to process a $1 donation, so you should make sure you're giving them real money. But if you're lazy or don't want to give a material amount to charity, buy an offset from me or someone else selling offsets.
 
 
 
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